…..at first I was hesitant to write and Publish this today. Then I asked myself, why am I blogging? Why did I want to start this in the first place? My answer, to help others. To let others know that we all fall down. We all have rough times throughout our lives that we feel we can’t come back from. We all experience things that break us. Why do we hide this? Why don’t we share and comfort others? Teach others how to pull themselves back up. So, I hit Publish and here we are. Maybe……hopefully someone will read this and something will strike a chord. Someone can relate and hopefully be inspired or comforted. I hope so. Here goes nothing.
I know I sometimes completely forget to BREATHE. I mean when its a crazy day, tons to do, places to go, kids in the backseat. Your goal is to get done, what needs to get done and make sure the kids don’t kill each other in the process….right!?!?!?!? The very last thing I think of is to take a minute of quiet and peace.
Yesterday in Yoga, towards the end of class the instructor told us to close our eyes and just lay there. Concentrate on our breaths. Let go of the stress. Just be. The rest of the day, I seriously felt like I had taken a power nap or 5 cups of coffee. I had so much more energy and felt amazing. It was 5 MINUTES! Thats all it took, to make me feel invigorated and wonderful. So why is it so hard for us to take 5 minutes for ourselves? Why do we always put ourselves last? Working moms, Work at home moms, dads…our kids do come first. Obviously. But why can’t we sometimes too? I don’t know about you but I feel really guilty when I buy or do something for myself. Its like, do I get my hair done or buy all three kids new shoes?
This past year, well two years have been rough. Like, bonkers, nervous breakdown, might need to be medicated rough. It was just a ton going on, emotionally, physically and family wise……A lot of things I am not going to get into. However, I am going to give you my Silver Lining:) I made it through! I might have had to make some choices, some don’t agree with or understand. I lost sight of me there for a bit. But, I am here, now, happier and emotionally healthier, physically healthier then I have been in a really long time. I began therapy, (don’t knock it unless you’ve had an awesome therapist)…and I also reconnected with an old family friend/adopted mother. The two of them together helped me find myself again. I was lost there for a bit. They let me talk out my feelings, concerns, confusions, fears and bounce things off of them. My husband and close friends did the same, but I needed more. I thought I was KooKooKachoo there for a while.
The problem. I wasn’t, just thought I was!!;) I allowed myself to be stretched, tugged and pulled….I allowed others to dictate what I could and couldn’t handle….WHY????? Why was I allowing others to do that, let alone allowing myself to tolerate this? Well, I talked it out. Thought about it. And, again with the help of two amazing woman and the moral/emotional support of my best friend/husband/shoulders/heart, I decided I was too important to loose sight of. I need to take care of me. Use my voice and speak up. I needed to make decisions I knew were best for my family. I needed to be healthy and happy because taking care of myself made me a better mother, wife, friend and person. I needed to do this for me. If that meant letting go of people, anger and emotions tied to both, then that is what I needed to do. Thats what I needed to do to be a better me.
Since all of this clarity took place, I feel lighter. Happier. Less stressed out. I am sleeping better and my bladder is working….better then it has in nine and a half years. Don’t get me wrong, I still have some work to do and I still have my emotional moments. But, its so much better loving myself. BREATHING!!!! Taking care of myself. I have a long road ahead of me and I know I will never be perfect. But I don’t need to be. I just need to be a healthier me. What a great example to show my children.
Circling back to BREATHING. Did you breathe today? Have you taken a selfish minute to calm yourself? Relax? Take a “YOU” minute? We need to do this for ourselves. We owe ourselves. I am working on doing this more. We need to do this for our spouses and children too. So we don’t drive them completely bonkers either;) Do this with me. Lets take care of US along with our families. They are flourishing so we are pretty damn good at this whole nurturing, caring for others thing. Why not throw ourselves into the mix?
I started breathing and I feel wonderful.
Thank you for listening.